broken relationships and overcoming church propagated violence: a sermon for valentine's day

Matthew 5:21-37

2-16-14

            Ahhhhh, Valentine’s Day!  This week is the week in which our society appropriates one day to celebrate our love for those in our lives, or maybe just succumb to the social pressure to tell people we love them even though we really may not, ala 2^nd grade Valentine’s Day parties! Sometimes it’s all just in good fun—Nikoli and I did participate this year by getting each other the romantic gift of new running socks—but sometimes the idea that love is all about fancy chocolates and pink and red glitter just seems so contrary to the lived human experience.  I’m all about celebrating love, but sometimes our lives and our relationships aren’t very lovely. Sometimes we break promises, hurt one another, seek revenge, board anger, and take advantage of one another. 

            Up to seventy percent of people experience violence in their lives.  And while violence crosses all boarders of gender, race, and socio-economic status, the percent of women who are abused is disproportionately high.  One in every three women will be raped or beaten in their lifetime and more times than not, this abuser is someone they know and have loved.  I bring this up for two reasons: 1) There is a stigma in our society that tells us that this is not something that should be talked about, especially in places like church, perpetuating a painful cycle of violence and it needs to stop, and 2) the Gospel text for today has often been used to keep individuals in abusive relationships and this, too, needs to stop.  I once attended a church that was taking up this text in their adult study after worship one particular Sunday.  The pastor, red in the face, was shaking his fist and talking about how the bible prohibits divorce and how it should never be tolerated by the church--- using the same text we read today.  In the midst of his rage, a meek woman bravely raised her hand and asked “But what if you are in a relationship that is abusive and violent, then you should leave the marriage right?”  The pastor replied fervently with “the bible clearly states that a woman should never ever leave her husband, for any reason.”  I glanced over at the woman—she had wilted into her seat, tears falling on the bible that she held so tightly in her hand.  This cannot happen. 

            The messages, the stigmas, in our world that perpetuate cycles of violence are so contrary to the God that we proclaim in Christ—A God of love and mercy, justice and peace.  If there is ever a passage in the bible that when first read, seems to point me to violence instead of love and reconciliation, it’s safe to assume that I probably don’t yet understand that passage and that I should seek to understand it within it’s historical and cultural context and then get back to what I do know—That God’s plan for the world, revealed again and again, is one of love, mercy, justice, and peace. 

            The gospel text for today is tricky.  It’s multifaceted.  The historical and cultural layers are demanding and complicated.  But it should not and cannot promote violence.  If we begin to peel back some of the layers in this text, we might begin to find that the text has more to say about how we treat one another and relate to one another than it does about the ethics of divorce. 

            Marriage in 1^st Century Israel was viewed much differently than it commonly is today.    Marriage at this time was commonly seen as a property transaction between families, the woman being the property or transferred goods.  In this relationship, men were the only ones who could issue a divorce and quite often did not need to have good reason to do so.  Divorce was socially and economically disastrous for a woman at this time.  A divorce meant that she was discarded like damaged goods that could no longer have any use.  The woman would be left to survive with little means to support herself and, because of the shame associated with divorce, could not seek the help of her family.  The possibility of remarriage was extremely rare and without the support of any male figure, a woman would be stuck in a cycle of injustice. 

            Jesus’ teaching on adultery and divorce in this passage dares to speak of women as something other than property and begins to challenge male privilege.  Jesus’ forbidding of divorce, told his followers that women are not to be used and then discarded whenever one pleased and that the most powerful in society should not be taking advantage of the most vulnerable.   Not only does this text address the specific power dynamics that have become steeped within gender, the text also has a lot to say about how we live in relationship to one another.

            The pericope, or particular passage, of this week’s gospel text is found within the larger segment of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount—a sermon directed at Jesus’ followers.  Right before this passage, Jesus is talking to his disciples about what the Kingdom of God is all about, setting up this passage contrasting current practices of this world, with a new restored vision of God.  Jesus sets up this section by saying “You have heard it said… but I tell you this” – It’s like he is saying, “This is how the world currently operates, but here is a better way, God’s way.”  He contrasts the kingdom of our world, the systems, the cycles, with a new kingdom, one of God.  This new kingdom demands that we look a one another differently;   In this world, when someone wrongs you, you are told to seek revenge--- but in this new world, this new kingdom, we are called to work it out, to seek reconciliation and forgiveness.  This new kingdom, this new vision, doesn’t see people as property or something to be used and abused, it sees people as individuals who should be treated properly and cared for.  In the old kingdom, you were called to do whatever you could to get ahead in the world but in this new kingdom, it would be better for you to lose one of your own limbs that to carelessly hurt another human being.  The old kingdom was about the self, the Kingdom of God is about community. 

            This new thing that God is doing in the world is about relationship, forgiveness, reconciliation, and love for one another.  When we care for one another, when we place value on those who are marginalized, when we seek reconciliation instead of revenge, when we speak about issues that are stigmatized and quieted, when we cry out for justice in our world, we are taking part in bringing about God’s Kingdom, this new vision, on earth.  Let us be bold and brave advocates for human dignity.  And may compassion be our compass as we navigate the relationships of our world.