i am not.

you know that feeling you get when something just doesn't feel right? you get a twinge in your stomach, a reaction in your heart, tension in your muscles. well, this has been happening a lot lately.

i honestly feel like, this past year, i have fallen into the person in which i was made to be. i feel like i finally know who i am, what i want, how i want to grow and be challenged, etc.
a lot of this self-discover has been made possible by the statements and beliefs of others...they have helped me define who i am not in order to better see who i am.

make sense? well, maybe i can articualte through the serious and the silly.

i am not.

i am not interested in the latest hoax.
the lastest diet trend... the latest work out trend.... the latest beauty trend....
my skin may never be perfect and my butt may never be small and that's ok. i wasn't made to fit into a cookie cutter shape of a person. i am healthy and i take great pride in that.

i am not interested in making my life seem as though it is perfect.
sometimes things are not awesome...that's life. i am not interested in putting on a face for the people around me. if i'm upset, it will be healthy for me to articulate.
it's ok to be mad, hurt, let down. if anything, these emotions let us know we are alive.

i am not interested in being loud, obnoxious, rude or inappropriate in order to get others attention.
there are so many beautiful ways to make a statement, to stand up for something, to show your intentions. i want people to see my life as a compliment of action. i don't need to be recognized... in fact, this makes me quite uncomfortable.

i am not interested in taking sides.
i don't care if what someone believes is completely different that my own philosophy, theology or idealology. there are always similarities...why not recognize them?

i'm not interested in judging.
i sin, you sin, we all sin. what kind of right do you have to point fingers? i heard someone, last year, say that they believed the disaster in haiti was God's punishment for the people who practice witchcraft. i didn't say anything...and i still cry about that.

i am not interested in the word "tolerance".
it implies that we are better than the person/object/thing/idea we are tolerating. it implies that you must accept this person/object/thing/idea but not love it.
we are all called to love.

i am not interested in being idle.
i love to move, i love to be busy. i love finding different purposes for my life.

i am not interested in complaining.
if you have food, clothes and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of the world.
if you have any spare change, you are in the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
less than 1% of the world will have a college education.
your life is not that bad...really.

i am not.