good enough: a homily for maundy thursday

John 13:1-17, 31b-35

Growing up as a child, it became clear pretty early on in my life that I was and am a perfectionist.  Being a perfectionist has its advantages, like any personality type, but it also has a downside.  For me, this downside was the persistent twinge of guilt after completing any endeavor—no matter how encouraging my parents or teachers were, I continued to feel like whatever I accomplished just wasn’t good enough.    As I grew older and started figure skating competitively, even at a young age, being tall and big boned, my body just wasn’t good enough.  In high school, I would dwell on my orchestra auditions—even if I made the top orchestra, my performance just wasn’t good enough.  My senior year of college, I worked my absolute hardest and graduated cum laude, but it wasn’t summa or magna cum laude, it just wasn’t good enough.  And today, even though I am now fully aware of my perfectionist tendencies and have done a lot of healthy self-reflection I will still catch myself falling into that same pattern of comparison and doubt in my own abilities. 

Maybe you relate? I don’t believe you have to be a perfectionist to relate to these tendencies.  Perhaps this drive for perfection, this feeling of “not good enough” says more about the world we live in than it does about my internal conversations.  We love to compare ourselves to others, we love to measure success with something tangible, we want our hard work to be rewarded—and when we don’t meet the ridiculous expectations of this world its easy to feel “not good enough.”  This is why I find the stories of Jesus’ disciples in the gospels to be so liberating.  They too, were not “good enough.” 

Jesus calls his disciples from their lackluster jobs and as Jesus’ ministry continues throughout the gospels it becomes pretty clear that Jesus has chosen the b-team, the last string, the benchwarmers, to be his followers.  They fail, they question, they doubt, they just can’t seem to figure out who this Jesus really is—When we think about what followers of Jesus should be, they’re just not good enough!  Yet, as our gospel text for tonight begins, Jesus loved them, and he loved them until the very end.  What does this say about Jesus?

See Jesus knew that soon he was going to die, he knew he was going to be betrayed and persecuted by the very people he had loved.  Still, he chooses to spend his last night washing the feet of the disciples who just weren’t good enough.  He chooses to spend his last night serving his clumsy disciples in a job that was uncomfortable, dirty and rancid.  At no other time is the disciple’s unworthiness so potent that even they sense the radical, counter-cultural way of Jesus’ love.  Footwashing was reserved for the lowest of lows, society’s outcasts—it was gross, a messy job.  The idea that Jesus, the host of the Passover meal would be left to wash the feet of those present was absolutely offensive.  The disciples knew this and they try to escape the intimacy of the situation—the world has told them that they are indeed not good enough for their rabbi and teacher Jesus to wash their feet.  Still, Jesus continues. 

As Jesus finishes washing the feet of the disciples and sharing with them the bread and the wine he says, “little children, I am with you only a little while longer, and where I am going, you cannot come. I leave you with this one command: Love one another as I have loved you. Remember me by your love.”  In one of his last acts on earth, Jesus claims his disciples in love, as his own children.  In his time of earth, his disciples failed, they couldn’t keep it together, they’re lives were messy, they just weren’t good enough.  But Jesus claims them as his own, he bathes the messiest parts of their bodies, the feet, in his love.  He loved them until the very end.

If you ever feel unloved, unimportant, insecure, or “just not good enough” remember to whom you belong.  You belong to Jesus.  You belong to Jesus Christ the very Son of God who chooses to spend his last night in an act of service that crosses all boundaries.  The same fully human, fully divine, God incarnate that meets us every week in bread and wine.  That is to whom you belong, and you don’t have to be “good enough”, he will love you until the end.